Yesterday, after spending the week with my sister and her boyfriend, we were on the long drive back to my mother's house. We started talking about the impressions we form of other people. Literally, what we take away from them during the time we have been in their company. Not the surface level impression of general likability, but the deeper layers that give us the general sensation of compatibility with our own patterns of behavior.
My sister's boyfriend gave me his interpretation of who I was when we were first introduced. Notably, he commented that I seemed to be the type of person who was very firm, very solid in knowing what I believe and what I know to be true for me. Paraphrasing briefly, he told me that I was someone who seemed most at peace and content when left to my own space...and that I seemed to grow uneasy or unsettled after too long a period with clusters or large groups of people.
His assessment was correct.
Today's daily newsletter in my mailbox from the DailyOm included my horoscope. Here's just a brief snippet of the message today:
...Your house, apartment, or even your bedroom can become a sanctuary that nurtures your soul and allows you to reconnect with your inner self. Freed from outer-world distractions, you can take care of personal chores, spend time pursuing enlightenment, or simply putter around the house. Home may offer feelings of comfort and contentment that you can’t find anywhere else... - DailyOm, Cancer Horoscope, July 5th
I chuckled. After I got home last night I was full and pleased to have spent time with my baby sister, my little jewel. But I was also eager to go home and re-orient my space to what I needed it to be. I burned sage through each of the rooms while in prayer, I followed it with sweetgrass to replace whatever had been removed with lightness and comfort. I burned sandalwood oil, I sat quietly and soaked it all in. As much fun as I had with her...I was off kilter, having immersed myself in so much energy that was not my own. I couldn't hear myself. And I get cagey and anxious when I cannot feel my own spirit in the company of other souls.
I believe a soul's spirit leaves a resin wherever it's been. You can feel it when you walk into a room and you experience an immediate shift in your disposition. From happy to anxious or indifferent to angry. Sometimes it's good. Like when you walk into your grandmother's home and you immediately feel a sense of peace and groundedness that washes over you like sunshine. Sometimes it can be jarring, like walking into a room where an argument occured and you suddenly feel filled with tension and conflict. We all leave an imprint on the space we've been in. And It can be difficult at times to distinguish your own feelings and moods from another. Some are more sensitive to it than others.
The more souls you have entering your space, the more you take in and process. Whether you consciously want to or not. Sometimes, it is simply too much for me to take in. Many times, I simply don't want the energy that's being offered to me. After having lots of traffic in my home or disruption to the order in which I do things, I grow eager to go through this little "orienting" process to settle my space. Once I cleanse away the lingering effects of the energy others have brought into my home, I can then get back to clearly feeling my own. I can get back to my center.
Today, I have no desire to leave the familiar, nurturing confines of my own home. I wish only to replenish myself so that I can resume going out into the world clearly hearing my own voice in a crowd of millions. My prayer for you, is that no matter where you are or who you are with...you can always find, hear and embrace your own incredible energy.